It was a summer evening. My wife, 4-month pregnant with twins stayed at home to relax, while I visited the grandparents with my 3-year old son in the countryside, 180 kilometres away.

At around midnight I receive a call from her saying “Don’t worry, I’m in the hospital. If you can come, it would be great”. There was a chance she would go into labour prematurely. Within 10 minutes I was in the car. My heartbeat reaching 160+. My speed on the highway reaching way above that level, flashing down every car that got in my way, nearly bumping them from behind if they were too slow to move out of my way. From my perspective, it was a family emergency, which overrides all the rules known to mankind. From the perspective of the guy in front of me I was just a bastard, a pushy idiot, an arrogant jerk and I’m sure there were a lot of other ways he addressed me. By the time I arrived at the hospital, doctors did all the routine checks and found everything all right. My twins are now 3 and in perfect health.

What’s the morale of this story?

Under normal circumstances I’m a calm driver, respecting the speed limit, being kind to others. I dislike when jerks are on the road, riding over the limit, risking others’ lives and being too pushy. I call them the same way I was called that night. But what if that person is in a family emergency? I would definitely get out of his way and let him go. And definitely not call him a jerk. It all depends on how you interpret things. Now, when I see somebody driving crazy, I just tell myself: “Maybe his wife is in labour”. I bet this is not the case about 90% of the time, but it is nevertheless a way to handle things. And it surely is a better way than making myself angry about the jerk crossing my ways, which happens quite often in real life as well, often for reasons that are external to all of us.

What about the office?

When somebody in the office is frustrated, maybe because he had a bad day, his boss treated him bad, a personal issue, got bad notice, or the covid situation being too tough, that person might let his anger out on you through the mail, call or chat. On your side, it is obviously frustrating. It’s your choice how you interpret and respond. You can pick up the stick and respond the same frustrating way yourself, this way ruining a working relationship forever. Or you can be more forgiving and assume that he is just having a bad day. This latter is quite often true as well. We all have mood swings and we often find it difficult to separate work and life, especially in home office. Which is just human. Let’s say the other person is having a really bad day and you ask him to do something small, like sending over a file. He gets pissed and lays it all out on you. You can argue with him or get pissed off yourself. Or you can just explain this behaviour by telling yourself “He must be having a bad day”.

Another perfect example

Last year I forgot to do something on my income tax declaration and submitted the file with an error. This can only be changed if you present your case personally to the tax authority. So I went to the office which handles these cases. These people usually get yelled at and called names, due to the nature of business they are in and the kind of people they have to interact with. Therefore their standard mood is everything but cheerful. After I presented myself, she said “What do you want?” – almost adding “you useless idiot”. Knowing that she works in a stressful environment I didn’t take it personally and kept being nice. After a while, we both were cheerful and worked together to fix the issue. I was supposed to print out a form, fill, sign, etc. She actually printed it out for me, saving time and effort. All this is because my interpretation of the situation was that she is having a bad day and not that she is attacking me.

Nothing lasts forever though

Now, this can happen occasionally, or for a shorter period of time, but not always. If somebody is an asshole, he is an asshole, and no different interpretation can save him. Be forgiving a few times, especially if you know that the other is having a hard time which makes his standard mood negative (going through a divorce, risk of being fired, bad boss). Usually, and if you were right about the person initially, this passes after a short while, and you can have a fruitful long term work relationship and/or can achieve something great together.

Conclusion

Save yourself the effort of picking up fights and use your power of imagination and interpretation to make the world a better place. What happens to you is partially out of your power, but how you interpret things is in your hands. It can help you occasionally or in the short term, but don’t fool yourself.