When was the last time you received an e-mail from a colleague where he/she honestly dislikes your point of view or decision and tells you off basically? I bet it has never happened, as it is not a commonly accepted practice within the office environment. Arguably, in certain cases, it would not be a surprise reaction. But obviously, we just don’t do it, we hold these reactions back. Let me tell you a secret, there is a way to keep the cake and eat it too.

This post has to do with workplace stress, frustration, and a technique that might help you reduce that. It is inevitable that you get frustrated, angry, or furious about an e-mail, a note or a phone call you receive at work. More often than not people hold back the reaction these tend to generate, which is bad for mental health and increases the risk of burnout. You should know how to get rid of it instead, as early and efficiently as you can, so you can move on. Yoga and running can be a solution, but there is a trick I’ve learned early in my career that is helpful sometimes too.

My story on this topic

Recently I’ve received an e-mail which made me furious. The thing that grinds my gears the most is when incompetent or careless people get in my way. Maybe they are not in bad faith they just don’t feel the same kind of pressure as I do or don’t understand the importance of certain things. Let’s say I work on a project and I get to the point that a simple task or a decision has to be outsourced for whatever reason. For example, getting access to a system that I needed to start my project. I request that a simple step be completed by somebody, just to get a response after several reminders that “Oh, sure, let me have a look at that”. Now that’s the point when I’m about to respond with a go-to-hell e-mail. Why couldn’t he/she react faster to something simple but important (not just to me but the company as well)? My first reaction would be to respond something like “What the hell you were doing for the last 3 weeks, you careless individual?!”. Feel free to exchange any of the adjectives to one that better fits your state of anger 😉

Needless to say that once you send that e-mail within a corporate setup, you can already start packing your stuff and leave the office as getting fired is what usually happens after that. So calm down and don’t react too quickly.

Back in 2007, I was working at my university as a student recruitment officer. Practically my job was to respond to questions from students applying to the university. We also collaborated with other universities on certain projects. Once a partner university sent an e-mail informing us that they went ahead with a project without including us, whereas we were supposed to lead that project. They sent me an e-mail about it, informing us that the project is already running. When my boss read this e-mail she became furious, which was perfectly understandable in that situation. Then she started to respond to this e-mail. She was not nice, to say the least. It was a typical go-to-hell e-mail starting with “How dare you…”. She then followed up by “I’ll make sure your boss will fire you for this…”. I was sitting right next to her, confused, worried, afraid of what will happen next.

After a few minutes into her writing the e-mail with a long list of “suggestions” and me sweating she said the following. “Ok, now that we are all calm, let’s answer this e-mail, shouldn’t we?” This is when I became more confused at first, but then it became obvious what was happening. Typing the e-mail was a way to release anger and calm down. Once you “play it out” in your mind, your mind will think it was actually done and release the frustration built up. Much better than staying angry or doing something stupid. She then went on to carefully construct an e-mail with a perfect response that solved the situation, safeguarded the relationship and nobody got hurt.

How does it work?

Here are a few simple steps you can follow. Try it out and see if it works for you.

1. If it’s an e-mail that made you angry, hit reply and immediately cancel all recipients.
2. Start writing whatever comes to your mind, release all the anger that was built up. For some of you, unkind words might work quite well. For others emojis, pictures, gifs, whatever form you prefer.
3. Write until you start to feel calm and back to normal.
4. Now cancel back all the content of the e-mail and then close the e-mail.
5. You are now ready to respond in a proper manner, constructively, collaboratively, and most importantly friendly. Don’t be too nice though, be fair and square.

Conclusion

If you get frustrated or angry in an office environment, it is bad for you and others as well. You have to get rid of this feeling without being hurtful in the quickest way possible. Exercise is one way, getting a punchbag is another. Writing is less time-consuming and more available in the office though. Try and see whether it works for you